Memories of the way we were

I got out some home videos today of when Maggie was born through 6 months. I have a few observations that stemmed from watching these videos.
1) I need to purchase a device that stops time. I can’t believe that was 3 years ago. I also would like this machine to make it possible to go back in time so I can cuddle and kiss a 3 month old Maggie and 2 yr old Jacob. They were so precious then. Not that they aren’t now, they just are capable of smarting off now and they weren’t then.
2) I don’t think I gave/give myself more credit for the job I have done with them. I am constantly feeling guilty trying to balance time spent with them during the day, but also getting house stuff done that seems to be never ending. From the videos, I was doing a good job. A really good job. I don’t know why I beat myself up like I do. I’m constantly telling myself I should do more with them. I think I do more than I allow myself to believe. I believe my mom told me this is called “Mother Guilt. “
3) I could have 5 more babies. Oh my gracious, I LOVE babies. Whether or not I have anymore, I’m perfectly content with my two now, but Lord have mercy, I so miss having a baby. Hands down my favorite part of motherhood is taking care of those precious angels when they need you so much. I love the smell of them, their sounds, their itty bitty hands and feet. MMMMM.
4) I love my husband. I think he’s a better dad then I give him credit for. I think one of the qualities I liked in him when we were dating was that he could be like a kid and that has paid off as he was singing all the Wiggles songs while playing play doh with Jacob. I somehow managed to catch quite a few really sentimental moments on video and I love that he holds those moments as closely to his heart as I do. I need to do a better job seeing those things and not looking for the times he’s not playing with them.
The 5th and final thing I observed is that oh my goodness I need to relax more. Someone give that lady a chill pill. I think this goes back into that “mother guilt” thing my mom once told me about. How when a woman becomes a mother, something changes in her DNA that she can’t help. She will always worry did her child eat enough that day, did they eat too much, did they have a bowel movement, are they happy, am I disciplining them adequately, are they going to grow up to be productive citizens and make this world a better place, Will they ever know how much they are loved, Will I ever stop worrying about them when they are not in my presence, what would I do to someone if I thought they might harm my child. So on second thought, there probably isn’t a chill pill for moms. Because I believe that is one of the mysteries that God made in mothers. He knew that we would stand up to a grizzly bear if it meant protecting our child. Sure we may come out of that battle with some wounds, but it would be worth it. So I guess in a way, that low level of anxiety that is always present is our battle wound for becoming a mom. One that I wear proudly.