I know I have blogged before about some developmental issues/delays that Jacob had. He went to Kindergarten much to my dismay this year. Because of his late birthday (Sept 2) I didn't want him to go to kindergarten this year for maturity reasons alone. He was 4 when he started kindergarten. In my opinion that's just too young. Kindergarten isn't what it was when we were young. I remember playing, having books read to us, singing, and maybe a little bit of learning to read thrown in. They are full blown doing math problems I probably didn't do until 1st grade. I know every parent struggles with their baby going to kindergarten but mine was for different reasons. However, due to needing speech and occupational therapy he didn't qualify for k-readiness. His only option, other than staying home for a year with no services, was to go to kindergarten.
Even though I love his school and teacher, this year has been a mess. You could tell all year he wasn't ready. There were times when he would get lost just going from his class to the gym where he would be picked up from school. Bless his heart.
When a child recieves services through the school they have to be re-evaluated every 3 years to make sure they still quailfy. This year was that third year. The results of that eval showed that Jacob is totally in the normal or average level in language. This is such a blessing because since he was 2 he has been a year behind in his language and this year alone he got completely caught up. So this year wasn't in vain. It was acutally pretty benefical for him. The team all agreed that he would benefit from repeating kindergarten for maturity reasons alone. Academically he could be promoted to first grade. Which if you think about it is pretty cool. That means he gets to have a year to mature. He'll be more on the level with these kids. He'll be older than all of them with 2 years down at Barfield, including preschool. And we know that he has the knowledge of everything in kindergarten so that won't be a struggle. He gets to have this year of kindergarten without the need of any services. Which is what our goal was all along.
I'm so proud of the progress that little boy made between his language, and behavior. He's had some kind of service for 3 1/2 years and won't need them anymore. Its quite possible that he may never know that he needed them in the first place since he was so young. And that my friends, is the goal of early intervention. There were some people who told me that he didn't really need speech therapy, that all boys talk late, yada yada. With all the hard work on his part, he got completely caught up so that he can go to kindergarten with no services. Hallelujah!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
No more bedtime battles
Ok, I have no idea what I did to my blog. Please excuse the mess. I was trying to widen the margins so the posts don’t seem so long. Somehow I didn’t get wide margins, and managed to delete my background. Awesome!
I wanted to update you on my last post. I was talking about a new bedtime routine for Maggie. Let me visually walk you through the old routine. Let’s say bedtime starts around 7:45. By 8:00 we have teeth brushed, went potty, said our good nights to brother, and are in bed with book. We would read 2-3 books (I know!) then we would turn lights out, turn soft lullaby music on, say our bedtime prayers, and I would lie down in the bed with Maggie until she fell asleep. This has been our routine since going to the big girl bed a year ago (2 ½). Let me insert here that I was a Baby wise mom and raised both kids to self soothe and not depend on being rocked or anything else, so the fact that here I was laying down for an hour with a 3 yr old was astonishing to me.
When I first started the RIP program I told my case manager that this was an issue for me and I wanted to change the routine. The problem: I had stuff to do like clean dinner dishes, straighten up, get things ready for the next day, and if all went well, watch some TV with Rick. When I would lay down with Maggie it was sometimes an hour before she would go to sleep. I have a theory that she would fight going to sleep b/c she knew that as soon as she did go to sleep I would leave, so to keep me there longer she would fight sleep. When I would first lie down, I wasn’t tired, thinking of all the things I wanted/needed to do. But by the time she was asleep, 7 out of 10 times I was asleep too and ready to go directly to bed myself.
We attempted to do a bedtime program, much to my case manager’s dismay. She told me that she thought it wasn’t a good time since bedtime programs are the most difficult and Maggie was a little too young in the process of the behavior modification it would take to correct this bad habit. I insisted that Maggie and I could both do it so we tried. I did the method of every time she got out I would pick her back up and escort her to her room without speaking to her, aka the super nanny technique. Remember I said that we had to do counts to see if the behavior improved. Well, that night I had to take Maggie back to her room 64 times. I know because I counted! By the time she fell asleep, I had a migraine and Rick was sick to his stomach. Disciplining ain’t for the lighthearted. Or the grammatical inclined folks!! Needless to say we discontinued that program. (they call individual interventions to a particular behavior a “program”)
With two weeks left in the program, I asked if we could attempt the bedtime routine. This time we tried a different way, in which I had some more eye rolling. This time Maggie had learned that when she displays certain behaviors she gets rewards. We started the bedtime routine by getting her to pick out a book and getting in bed. After she had stayed in bed for 3 minutes I would come in and read the book to her, or she could read it to me. (Remember- we’re training her to stay in bed) After book time, I would turn off the light and tell her that when she stays in bed for another 3 minutes, I’ll bring blankie (which she absolutely can’t sleep without). After another 3 minutes of staying in bed, I would come back in to turn her music on. The reinforcers can be interchanged according to your child and what floats their boat. Usually by the time I turned the music on she was either asleep or nearly there. Meanwhile during the 3 minutes while I was waiting to take something to her, I’m cleaning, getting things ready for the morning, etc. So, by the time she’s asleep I’m ready to have some QT with my cu-tie.
I have to say that this program has worked amazingly. It takes a lot of discipline to be able to pull this off. Especially during those first few nights when she was crying mommy, please, I need something to eat, drink, need to pee, poop, give you a hug. I’ve got one word for you- MANIPULATION. The payoff- every night I have time to pick up the house before bed (which makes for a good morning) and almost every night get to watch TV with Rick, or chill and read a book. My evenings are completely different and I love them.
I wanted to update you on my last post. I was talking about a new bedtime routine for Maggie. Let me visually walk you through the old routine. Let’s say bedtime starts around 7:45. By 8:00 we have teeth brushed, went potty, said our good nights to brother, and are in bed with book. We would read 2-3 books (I know!) then we would turn lights out, turn soft lullaby music on, say our bedtime prayers, and I would lie down in the bed with Maggie until she fell asleep. This has been our routine since going to the big girl bed a year ago (2 ½). Let me insert here that I was a Baby wise mom and raised both kids to self soothe and not depend on being rocked or anything else, so the fact that here I was laying down for an hour with a 3 yr old was astonishing to me.
When I first started the RIP program I told my case manager that this was an issue for me and I wanted to change the routine. The problem: I had stuff to do like clean dinner dishes, straighten up, get things ready for the next day, and if all went well, watch some TV with Rick. When I would lay down with Maggie it was sometimes an hour before she would go to sleep. I have a theory that she would fight going to sleep b/c she knew that as soon as she did go to sleep I would leave, so to keep me there longer she would fight sleep. When I would first lie down, I wasn’t tired, thinking of all the things I wanted/needed to do. But by the time she was asleep, 7 out of 10 times I was asleep too and ready to go directly to bed myself.
We attempted to do a bedtime program, much to my case manager’s dismay. She told me that she thought it wasn’t a good time since bedtime programs are the most difficult and Maggie was a little too young in the process of the behavior modification it would take to correct this bad habit. I insisted that Maggie and I could both do it so we tried. I did the method of every time she got out I would pick her back up and escort her to her room without speaking to her, aka the super nanny technique. Remember I said that we had to do counts to see if the behavior improved. Well, that night I had to take Maggie back to her room 64 times. I know because I counted! By the time she fell asleep, I had a migraine and Rick was sick to his stomach. Disciplining ain’t for the lighthearted. Or the grammatical inclined folks!! Needless to say we discontinued that program. (they call individual interventions to a particular behavior a “program”)
With two weeks left in the program, I asked if we could attempt the bedtime routine. This time we tried a different way, in which I had some more eye rolling. This time Maggie had learned that when she displays certain behaviors she gets rewards. We started the bedtime routine by getting her to pick out a book and getting in bed. After she had stayed in bed for 3 minutes I would come in and read the book to her, or she could read it to me. (Remember- we’re training her to stay in bed) After book time, I would turn off the light and tell her that when she stays in bed for another 3 minutes, I’ll bring blankie (which she absolutely can’t sleep without). After another 3 minutes of staying in bed, I would come back in to turn her music on. The reinforcers can be interchanged according to your child and what floats their boat. Usually by the time I turned the music on she was either asleep or nearly there. Meanwhile during the 3 minutes while I was waiting to take something to her, I’m cleaning, getting things ready for the morning, etc. So, by the time she’s asleep I’m ready to have some QT with my cu-tie.
I have to say that this program has worked amazingly. It takes a lot of discipline to be able to pull this off. Especially during those first few nights when she was crying mommy, please, I need something to eat, drink, need to pee, poop, give you a hug. I’ve got one word for you- MANIPULATION. The payoff- every night I have time to pick up the house before bed (which makes for a good morning) and almost every night get to watch TV with Rick, or chill and read a book. My evenings are completely different and I love them.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Potpourri
That's what this blog is. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. I like to write about my kids, my experience as a parent, my "projects" around the house, my faith in God, and any others experiences that I think would be helpful to others. From time to time, I may tell you about a product that I like, should you be looking for such a product. I am not telling you to use it, but its up to you to decide.
I don't think I've blogged about this but some of you may know that I have been going through a parenting class. Now back in the day, I thought people who take parenting classes are people who have done something abusive or neglectful to their children and they need to learn a new way to parent. Remember, I worked at DCS for 6 1/2 years, so that's my line of work. I was the kind of parent who would read a book on ANY topic of parenting. If my child was having a need, rest assured there was one or more books on my bookshelf related to such need. I even took an 18 week intensive course on parenting that was written by one of my favorite authors in the subject of parenting. However, just because you may have lots of knowledge, doesn't mean you know how to use it.
Jacob from the age of 2 had a speech delay that was later diagnosed as a language delay. (there is a difference, I now know) This caused him to have behavioral issues that none of the books I picked up could help me with. When he was around the age of 3-4, I knew his needs were greater than the skills that I had learned so I sought out some help from the Regional Intervention Program (RIP). Here's my plug for this program. It was originally created for autistic children, however, it was quickly recognized as a program for any parent who had a child with any level of behavioral issues. With that being said and having been through the program, I believe that this program should be a requirement for anyone with children. After all, if we are required to take a test to have a driver's license, there should be some requirement to be able to parent.
It is successful because it not only teaches someone parenting skills, it requires them to practice those skills in an environment where you have professionals to assist you. I am definitely a hands on learner and I think this was the key aspect for me. Its a free program and the way it is offered at no cost is because you "pay back" the sessions by teaching the classroom. You then model for other parents what you have learned, which is such a good way to solidify those skills. It is a huge commitment time-wise, however, that gave me time to work out kinks in my practices. One of the biggest challenges for me was to throw out all the parenting theories I had and be ready to do it a different way. I will be honest here and say that there were techniques that I thought to myself "that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. There's no way this would work." Only to be eating my words a week later when not only did it work, but they darn near worked at the first implementation.
The first thing we addressed at RIP was Jacob talking back. The intervention used was to give him this rule "Jacob, your job is to use your nice words." I know, too simple right? I'm sure my eye-rolling was received well by my case manager. This would have to be repeated to him at least 5 times a day. We often tell kids what not to do, but rarely do we tell them how we WANT them to act. This is the basic principal of RIP. Tell the kids what you want their behavior to be. So instead of telling him not to be disrespectful, or not to talk back, I would literally tell him at breakfast, before being dropped off to school, when I picked him up, and certainly before we went to some one's house to use his nice words. The program is data driven for statistical purposes (so you can prove something worked or didn't). He went from talking back 9 times a day to 1 or 2 times a day from the first day we implemented the intervention. How's that for statistics! I was shocked. At that point, I was like, ok, maybe these people CAN teach me something!
The reason I'm writing about this today is because today is our last day of the program. I'm not sure if we will welcome the break, or miss it, but I do know that it was a life changer. I know that I went from a mom who yelled, to a mom that (almost) doesn't anymore. And THAT I'm sure my children will be glad for, if for nothing else. I have another example of a successful intervention, but I'm waiting for it to be a little bit more successful and then I'll share. It has to do with possibly the most dreaded area of parenting.....bedtime battles. Dun Dun Dun.....
I don't think I've blogged about this but some of you may know that I have been going through a parenting class. Now back in the day, I thought people who take parenting classes are people who have done something abusive or neglectful to their children and they need to learn a new way to parent. Remember, I worked at DCS for 6 1/2 years, so that's my line of work. I was the kind of parent who would read a book on ANY topic of parenting. If my child was having a need, rest assured there was one or more books on my bookshelf related to such need. I even took an 18 week intensive course on parenting that was written by one of my favorite authors in the subject of parenting. However, just because you may have lots of knowledge, doesn't mean you know how to use it.
Jacob from the age of 2 had a speech delay that was later diagnosed as a language delay. (there is a difference, I now know) This caused him to have behavioral issues that none of the books I picked up could help me with. When he was around the age of 3-4, I knew his needs were greater than the skills that I had learned so I sought out some help from the Regional Intervention Program (RIP). Here's my plug for this program. It was originally created for autistic children, however, it was quickly recognized as a program for any parent who had a child with any level of behavioral issues. With that being said and having been through the program, I believe that this program should be a requirement for anyone with children. After all, if we are required to take a test to have a driver's license, there should be some requirement to be able to parent.
It is successful because it not only teaches someone parenting skills, it requires them to practice those skills in an environment where you have professionals to assist you. I am definitely a hands on learner and I think this was the key aspect for me. Its a free program and the way it is offered at no cost is because you "pay back" the sessions by teaching the classroom. You then model for other parents what you have learned, which is such a good way to solidify those skills. It is a huge commitment time-wise, however, that gave me time to work out kinks in my practices. One of the biggest challenges for me was to throw out all the parenting theories I had and be ready to do it a different way. I will be honest here and say that there were techniques that I thought to myself "that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. There's no way this would work." Only to be eating my words a week later when not only did it work, but they darn near worked at the first implementation.
The first thing we addressed at RIP was Jacob talking back. The intervention used was to give him this rule "Jacob, your job is to use your nice words." I know, too simple right? I'm sure my eye-rolling was received well by my case manager. This would have to be repeated to him at least 5 times a day. We often tell kids what not to do, but rarely do we tell them how we WANT them to act. This is the basic principal of RIP. Tell the kids what you want their behavior to be. So instead of telling him not to be disrespectful, or not to talk back, I would literally tell him at breakfast, before being dropped off to school, when I picked him up, and certainly before we went to some one's house to use his nice words. The program is data driven for statistical purposes (so you can prove something worked or didn't). He went from talking back 9 times a day to 1 or 2 times a day from the first day we implemented the intervention. How's that for statistics! I was shocked. At that point, I was like, ok, maybe these people CAN teach me something!
The reason I'm writing about this today is because today is our last day of the program. I'm not sure if we will welcome the break, or miss it, but I do know that it was a life changer. I know that I went from a mom who yelled, to a mom that (almost) doesn't anymore. And THAT I'm sure my children will be glad for, if for nothing else. I have another example of a successful intervention, but I'm waiting for it to be a little bit more successful and then I'll share. It has to do with possibly the most dreaded area of parenting.....bedtime battles. Dun Dun Dun.....
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Stay tuned- yard sale find
I'm so excited about a yard sale find. I will post pics when we get this thing installed. But before I get into what it is, I think I am going to start a series on my yard sale finds. I'm often asked how I am able to stay home with my kids. Let me just say that one of the big contributors to making this a possibility is my ability to buy a lot of what we need/want at yard sales.
I have always been a yard saler though even before my kids. I'm such a tightwad with money that I never really understood paying more money for something that I can get at a yard sale for 1/4 of the price. All of our lawn equipment has come from yard sales, MUCH of my home decor, and nearly all my kids clothes are from yard sales. And here's the thing, my kids wear Gap, gymboree, old navy, children's place. Most I only pay $1 or less for. I just recently scored a whole bunch of gymboree outfits for Maggie for .50 each. Hello- those outfits probably cost $35 a piece.
The secret, one of them, to finding a good deal, is to go every. single. weekend. Every Saturday I'm up and out at 7am. I have a mental list, and sometimes a physical list of what I'm looking for. I don't feel like I have to come home with something either. If I don't see what I'm looking for, I keep on moving. Here's an example of a list. One day I dropped the pitcher to my Mr IceTea maker. Can I just tell you that I don't know how to make tea any other way? I went to Walmart to find a replacement and my Mr Ice Tea maker was old so they didn't even have replacement parts. I would have had to buy a new one for $18. Nonsense. I got up that Saturday and told Rick that I would come home with a Mr Ice Tea maker pitcher. That's pretty specific don't you think? I'll be darn if I didn't find not one, but 2 that day. A lady had 2 pitchers and her maker broke so she was selling the pitchers. SCORE! I think I paid $1 for both.
So, back to what I'm excited about. Since I'm a stay at home mom we're broke most of the time. But you know what, one day I'll be working full time and we'll have more money to do whatever, but right now, I get to be with my kids while they are home and NO amount of money is worth it. But that doesn't change the fact that I hate the fluorescent light in my kitchen. I hate florescent light period. End of story. First of all, it shows dirt in my already white kitchen like crazy. Light fixtures are like at least $100. Yard sales are a great place to find them. If its not the finish you prefer, get a can of spray paint and voila. I'm a big fan of Oil Rubbed Bronze. Rustoleum makes a really good spray paint. I have done a lot of the brass fixtures in our house with the ORB. I found a light fixture this weekend for $5 and its really nice. Don't know how it will look in the kitchen but if it doesn't look good there I will put it above the fireplace. We're putting it up tonight so I'll post before and after pictures tomorrow.
I have always been a yard saler though even before my kids. I'm such a tightwad with money that I never really understood paying more money for something that I can get at a yard sale for 1/4 of the price. All of our lawn equipment has come from yard sales, MUCH of my home decor, and nearly all my kids clothes are from yard sales. And here's the thing, my kids wear Gap, gymboree, old navy, children's place. Most I only pay $1 or less for. I just recently scored a whole bunch of gymboree outfits for Maggie for .50 each. Hello- those outfits probably cost $35 a piece.
The secret, one of them, to finding a good deal, is to go every. single. weekend. Every Saturday I'm up and out at 7am. I have a mental list, and sometimes a physical list of what I'm looking for. I don't feel like I have to come home with something either. If I don't see what I'm looking for, I keep on moving. Here's an example of a list. One day I dropped the pitcher to my Mr IceTea maker. Can I just tell you that I don't know how to make tea any other way? I went to Walmart to find a replacement and my Mr Ice Tea maker was old so they didn't even have replacement parts. I would have had to buy a new one for $18. Nonsense. I got up that Saturday and told Rick that I would come home with a Mr Ice Tea maker pitcher. That's pretty specific don't you think? I'll be darn if I didn't find not one, but 2 that day. A lady had 2 pitchers and her maker broke so she was selling the pitchers. SCORE! I think I paid $1 for both.
So, back to what I'm excited about. Since I'm a stay at home mom we're broke most of the time. But you know what, one day I'll be working full time and we'll have more money to do whatever, but right now, I get to be with my kids while they are home and NO amount of money is worth it. But that doesn't change the fact that I hate the fluorescent light in my kitchen. I hate florescent light period. End of story. First of all, it shows dirt in my already white kitchen like crazy. Light fixtures are like at least $100. Yard sales are a great place to find them. If its not the finish you prefer, get a can of spray paint and voila. I'm a big fan of Oil Rubbed Bronze. Rustoleum makes a really good spray paint. I have done a lot of the brass fixtures in our house with the ORB. I found a light fixture this weekend for $5 and its really nice. Don't know how it will look in the kitchen but if it doesn't look good there I will put it above the fireplace. We're putting it up tonight so I'll post before and after pictures tomorrow.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Heavy Heart
I try to share any experiences I may have with anyone if it will help others. I have one of those little, well, big life's lessons today. I am so sad. The sweetest neighbors ever are moving away today. We have lived 2 doors down from them for 2 years. They have 3 boys right around the same ages as Jacob and Maggie. Our kids love them and theirs love ours. We get along so well with the whole family, something that is kinda rare. We have the same values and even similar life experiences.
Around Christmas time we found out that they were moving. We tried not to think about it but as the thier time was drawing near, we started spending more time together, especially the last week. We spent their last night in town by eating Mexican, having some tasty margaritas, then followed by a big sleep over. It is so sad that Jacob doesn't really realize that when he hugged them goodbye today, it would be the last, for a while. It will kill me when he asks to play with them in a few days. I truely hope that we have neighbors like them again one day, but I seriously doubt there could ever be better ones than that...
Please learn a lesson from us and not take for granted the friendships that God blesses you with. We totally didn't appreciate this family like we should until we knew they were moving. Rick and I actually prayed that the Lord would bless us with a family just like theirs, yet we didn't recognize it. Maybe we recognized it but like many gifts the Lord blesses us with, we just don't appreciate them until its too late.
As they left today, I snapped a picture of the kids. I realized that is the only picture of probably Jacob's first best friend. I have memories of my first best friend from before kindergarten. {insert memory} "Hello little girl, those rocks in your parents landscape look like they need to be removed. They do? Well here let me give you a hand."
Please learn from my mistake and appreciate any of those friendships in your life that you think will always be there so you don't maintain them like you should. You never know when they will be taken away. We're lucky in our case that they are just a 6 hour drive away. One that I know we will take one day.
Around Christmas time we found out that they were moving. We tried not to think about it but as the thier time was drawing near, we started spending more time together, especially the last week. We spent their last night in town by eating Mexican, having some tasty margaritas, then followed by a big sleep over. It is so sad that Jacob doesn't really realize that when he hugged them goodbye today, it would be the last, for a while. It will kill me when he asks to play with them in a few days. I truely hope that we have neighbors like them again one day, but I seriously doubt there could ever be better ones than that...
Please learn a lesson from us and not take for granted the friendships that God blesses you with. We totally didn't appreciate this family like we should until we knew they were moving. Rick and I actually prayed that the Lord would bless us with a family just like theirs, yet we didn't recognize it. Maybe we recognized it but like many gifts the Lord blesses us with, we just don't appreciate them until its too late.
As they left today, I snapped a picture of the kids. I realized that is the only picture of probably Jacob's first best friend. I have memories of my first best friend from before kindergarten. {insert memory} "Hello little girl, those rocks in your parents landscape look like they need to be removed. They do? Well here let me give you a hand."
Please learn from my mistake and appreciate any of those friendships in your life that you think will always be there so you don't maintain them like you should. You never know when they will be taken away. We're lucky in our case that they are just a 6 hour drive away. One that I know we will take one day.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Warning
I am warning you that I can see many posts in the future are going to be about how much money I have saved (not on car insurance) but in the society of women who coupon! My awesome friend Angela transferred her knowledge of getting a weeks worth of groceries for a family of 4 for under $75 onto me. I have heard people on tv trying to give tips but I guess since I didn't know them I didn't trust them. I think I thought they secretly worked for the grocery stores and it was all a scam. That's how my brain works. I guess its from working at DCS for too many years but I think you are all up to no good!
I would rather scrub YOUR bathroom then make a grocery list and go shopping, but I can almost see that grocery shopping will result in a buzz from saving so much money. I KNOW I'm gonna kick myself in the pants for wasting so much time not doing this. Its almost silly now to shop without coupons. I always thought it wasn't worth the effort but I see the light now!
Thanks Angela!
I would rather scrub YOUR bathroom then make a grocery list and go shopping, but I can almost see that grocery shopping will result in a buzz from saving so much money. I KNOW I'm gonna kick myself in the pants for wasting so much time not doing this. Its almost silly now to shop without coupons. I always thought it wasn't worth the effort but I see the light now!
Thanks Angela!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I'll share you mine if you share me yours
I was watching Beth Moore and her husband on James Robison's show this morning. They were talking about a common misconception about marriages. Beth said that she and her husband fight a lot, she called it heated discussions, whatever you want to call it. Even as seasoned as they are as Christians, Betty and James Robison said they still have fights. Beth said beware of couples who act like or even brag that they don't fight. She said, now there's a marriage with no communication, no passion, just 2 people co-existing. She said she refuses to become that couple so she and her husband "risk" that by having heated arguments. By now, they've established rules for their arguments that make it conducive to get some resolve to their argument.
So don't feel bad if you and your spouse argue. It doesn't mean that you aren't a perfect couple. I've got news for you, you aren't the perfect couple. GET OVER IT!! None of us are! Being able to have heated discussions is a by-product of not settling for a blah marriage. I think the more constructive thing to do is to come up with ground rules before heading into said discussion.
For example, James Robison said that if your spouse says something that hurts you, we know that a loving spouse would never intentionally hurt the other. So assume that you misunderstood what they said and ask them to clarify their point another way so you can understand it without getting hurt.
So do us all a favor and share (don't hide) any revelations or experiences that another married couple would benefit from. I wonder what other ground rules would help keep an argument from going south?
So don't feel bad if you and your spouse argue. It doesn't mean that you aren't a perfect couple. I've got news for you, you aren't the perfect couple. GET OVER IT!! None of us are! Being able to have heated discussions is a by-product of not settling for a blah marriage. I think the more constructive thing to do is to come up with ground rules before heading into said discussion.
For example, James Robison said that if your spouse says something that hurts you, we know that a loving spouse would never intentionally hurt the other. So assume that you misunderstood what they said and ask them to clarify their point another way so you can understand it without getting hurt.
So do us all a favor and share (don't hide) any revelations or experiences that another married couple would benefit from. I wonder what other ground rules would help keep an argument from going south?
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