No more bedtime battles

Ok, I have no idea what I did to my blog. Please excuse the mess. I was trying to widen the margins so the posts don’t seem so long. Somehow I didn’t get wide margins, and managed to delete my background. Awesome!

I wanted to update you on my last post. I was talking about a new bedtime routine for Maggie. Let me visually walk you through the old routine. Let’s say bedtime starts around 7:45. By 8:00 we have teeth brushed, went potty, said our good nights to brother, and are in bed with book. We would read 2-3 books (I know!) then we would turn lights out, turn soft lullaby music on, say our bedtime prayers, and I would lie down in the bed with Maggie until she fell asleep. This has been our routine since going to the big girl bed a year ago (2 ½). Let me insert here that I was a Baby wise mom and raised both kids to self soothe and not depend on being rocked or anything else, so the fact that here I was laying down for an hour with a 3 yr old was astonishing to me.

When I first started the RIP program I told my case manager that this was an issue for me and I wanted to change the routine. The problem: I had stuff to do like clean dinner dishes, straighten up, get things ready for the next day, and if all went well, watch some TV with Rick. When I would lay down with Maggie it was sometimes an hour before she would go to sleep. I have a theory that she would fight going to sleep b/c she knew that as soon as she did go to sleep I would leave, so to keep me there longer she would fight sleep. When I would first lie down, I wasn’t tired, thinking of all the things I wanted/needed to do. But by the time she was asleep, 7 out of 10 times I was asleep too and ready to go directly to bed myself.

We attempted to do a bedtime program, much to my case manager’s dismay. She told me that she thought it wasn’t a good time since bedtime programs are the most difficult and Maggie was a little too young in the process of the behavior modification it would take to correct this bad habit. I insisted that Maggie and I could both do it so we tried. I did the method of every time she got out I would pick her back up and escort her to her room without speaking to her, aka the super nanny technique. Remember I said that we had to do counts to see if the behavior improved. Well, that night I had to take Maggie back to her room 64 times. I know because I counted! By the time she fell asleep, I had a migraine and Rick was sick to his stomach. Disciplining ain’t for the lighthearted. Or the grammatical inclined folks!! Needless to say we discontinued that program. (they call individual interventions to a particular behavior a “program”)

With two weeks left in the program, I asked if we could attempt the bedtime routine. This time we tried a different way, in which I had some more eye rolling. This time Maggie had learned that when she displays certain behaviors she gets rewards. We started the bedtime routine by getting her to pick out a book and getting in bed. After she had stayed in bed for 3 minutes I would come in and read the book to her, or she could read it to me. (Remember- we’re training her to stay in bed) After book time, I would turn off the light and tell her that when she stays in bed for another 3 minutes, I’ll bring blankie (which she absolutely can’t sleep without). After another 3 minutes of staying in bed, I would come back in to turn her music on. The reinforcers can be interchanged according to your child and what floats their boat. Usually by the time I turned the music on she was either asleep or nearly there. Meanwhile during the 3 minutes while I was waiting to take something to her, I’m cleaning, getting things ready for the morning, etc. So, by the time she’s asleep I’m ready to have some QT with my cu-tie.

I have to say that this program has worked amazingly. It takes a lot of discipline to be able to pull this off. Especially during those first few nights when she was crying mommy, please, I need something to eat, drink, need to pee, poop, give you a hug. I’ve got one word for you- MANIPULATION. The payoff- every night I have time to pick up the house before bed (which makes for a good morning) and almost every night get to watch TV with Rick, or chill and read a book. My evenings are completely different and I love them.