In case you thought you were the only one who felt like everyone else around you was the perfect mom and you are still here struggling... After almost 6 years of parenting I would have thought that I'd have it down by now. And most days I do. I'm proud of the decisions, sacrifices, devotion, dedication it takes to be the mom I am. But I'm a firm believer in always looking for ways to improve. I don't beat myself up, but there are some days I think, you could have done that better. I'm glad I reflect. How else would I be able to make changes and improve. I hope my kids think I was the perfect mom, but I would never want Maggie to think that I thought I was. Because I don't want her to think the perfect mom is who she needs to be.
I love this mom's perspective of being a mother. Its nice to know that we don't have to come from a perfect place to start a legacy. I can still influence what comes after me, no matter what has come before me. Yeah. I like this idea of grace. I think I will start to use a little more of it.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Baby you're a firework!
I'm a believer. In cake balls that is. We love this little modern day version of the cupcake. The kids love to help make them, as it reminds them of play doh when making the balls. Then comes the dipping and decorating with sprinkles. These red white and blue ones are a tribute to our country's independence. Happy 4th of July America! We live in the greatest country ever.
Speaking of the greatest country, that reminds me of one of the greatest states ever. That would be Tennessee. We have the Smithsonian channel and there is a series called Aerial America. Its a show that documents and tells the history of a state which showing shots of the state from the air. It highlighted from the Great Smoky Mountains, the battlefields of Tennessee, Country Music Hall of Fame, Beale Street, Graceland, as well as many other landmarks. It sparked lots of discussion about our state and Rick and I both realized how much of our nation's history is here in Tennessee, like the birthplace of 2 genres of music: country music and the blues.
While we were watching it, I got out my journal and jotted down all the places the show highlighted and we will attempt to visit as many places on the list as possible. So in honor of our country you should check out the show's website and see when your state is showing. I think we should all take in as much history of the state we live in. It gives you more of sense of pride where you live when you can appreciate the land and what took place long before we were here.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
that's the good stuff
Tonight Rick was on a man date with his BFF. So I was flying solo at bedtime. Usually Rick puts Jacob to bed and I put Mags down. Well tonight Jacob was being a pain about bedtime. At one point of going back and forth from Maggie's room to Jacob's room, Jacob looked up with big ol crocodile tears in his eyes. I couldn't help but rush over and throw my arms around him and put him in the tightest hug possible. I said what's wrong. He said so teary that his voice was quivering, "I miss my daddy." Well then we were both boo hooing. He sobbed in my arms. He missed his bedtime buddy. And he's a big boy and can go one or two nights with a different routine, as we would this night. But that didn't change how much he genuinely missed his dad. In that moment I was so grateful that God blessed him with a good daddy. There are a lot out there that aren't so good and aren't worth missing. But this one is.
Went to Maggie's room and I got the same thing. Her cry is a bit more dramatic (what else would you expect) I sob sob sob, miss, sob sob sob, my, sob sob sob, daaaaddddddy! Oh for Pete's sake, I can't take two of these. So this is what happened next.
Sleep over in sissy's room!
Went to Maggie's room and I got the same thing. Her cry is a bit more dramatic (what else would you expect) I sob sob sob, miss, sob sob sob, my, sob sob sob, daaaaddddddy! Oh for Pete's sake, I can't take two of these. So this is what happened next.
Sleep over in sissy's room!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Update on Jacob
I know I have blogged before about some developmental issues/delays that Jacob had. He went to Kindergarten much to my dismay this year. Because of his late birthday (Sept 2) I didn't want him to go to kindergarten this year for maturity reasons alone. He was 4 when he started kindergarten. In my opinion that's just too young. Kindergarten isn't what it was when we were young. I remember playing, having books read to us, singing, and maybe a little bit of learning to read thrown in. They are full blown doing math problems I probably didn't do until 1st grade. I know every parent struggles with their baby going to kindergarten but mine was for different reasons. However, due to needing speech and occupational therapy he didn't qualify for k-readiness. His only option, other than staying home for a year with no services, was to go to kindergarten.
Even though I love his school and teacher, this year has been a mess. You could tell all year he wasn't ready. There were times when he would get lost just going from his class to the gym where he would be picked up from school. Bless his heart.
When a child recieves services through the school they have to be re-evaluated every 3 years to make sure they still quailfy. This year was that third year. The results of that eval showed that Jacob is totally in the normal or average level in language. This is such a blessing because since he was 2 he has been a year behind in his language and this year alone he got completely caught up. So this year wasn't in vain. It was acutally pretty benefical for him. The team all agreed that he would benefit from repeating kindergarten for maturity reasons alone. Academically he could be promoted to first grade. Which if you think about it is pretty cool. That means he gets to have a year to mature. He'll be more on the level with these kids. He'll be older than all of them with 2 years down at Barfield, including preschool. And we know that he has the knowledge of everything in kindergarten so that won't be a struggle. He gets to have this year of kindergarten without the need of any services. Which is what our goal was all along.
I'm so proud of the progress that little boy made between his language, and behavior. He's had some kind of service for 3 1/2 years and won't need them anymore. Its quite possible that he may never know that he needed them in the first place since he was so young. And that my friends, is the goal of early intervention. There were some people who told me that he didn't really need speech therapy, that all boys talk late, yada yada. With all the hard work on his part, he got completely caught up so that he can go to kindergarten with no services. Hallelujah!
Even though I love his school and teacher, this year has been a mess. You could tell all year he wasn't ready. There were times when he would get lost just going from his class to the gym where he would be picked up from school. Bless his heart.
When a child recieves services through the school they have to be re-evaluated every 3 years to make sure they still quailfy. This year was that third year. The results of that eval showed that Jacob is totally in the normal or average level in language. This is such a blessing because since he was 2 he has been a year behind in his language and this year alone he got completely caught up. So this year wasn't in vain. It was acutally pretty benefical for him. The team all agreed that he would benefit from repeating kindergarten for maturity reasons alone. Academically he could be promoted to first grade. Which if you think about it is pretty cool. That means he gets to have a year to mature. He'll be more on the level with these kids. He'll be older than all of them with 2 years down at Barfield, including preschool. And we know that he has the knowledge of everything in kindergarten so that won't be a struggle. He gets to have this year of kindergarten without the need of any services. Which is what our goal was all along.
I'm so proud of the progress that little boy made between his language, and behavior. He's had some kind of service for 3 1/2 years and won't need them anymore. Its quite possible that he may never know that he needed them in the first place since he was so young. And that my friends, is the goal of early intervention. There were some people who told me that he didn't really need speech therapy, that all boys talk late, yada yada. With all the hard work on his part, he got completely caught up so that he can go to kindergarten with no services. Hallelujah!
Monday, May 9, 2011
No more bedtime battles
Ok, I have no idea what I did to my blog. Please excuse the mess. I was trying to widen the margins so the posts don’t seem so long. Somehow I didn’t get wide margins, and managed to delete my background. Awesome!
I wanted to update you on my last post. I was talking about a new bedtime routine for Maggie. Let me visually walk you through the old routine. Let’s say bedtime starts around 7:45. By 8:00 we have teeth brushed, went potty, said our good nights to brother, and are in bed with book. We would read 2-3 books (I know!) then we would turn lights out, turn soft lullaby music on, say our bedtime prayers, and I would lie down in the bed with Maggie until she fell asleep. This has been our routine since going to the big girl bed a year ago (2 ½). Let me insert here that I was a Baby wise mom and raised both kids to self soothe and not depend on being rocked or anything else, so the fact that here I was laying down for an hour with a 3 yr old was astonishing to me.
When I first started the RIP program I told my case manager that this was an issue for me and I wanted to change the routine. The problem: I had stuff to do like clean dinner dishes, straighten up, get things ready for the next day, and if all went well, watch some TV with Rick. When I would lay down with Maggie it was sometimes an hour before she would go to sleep. I have a theory that she would fight going to sleep b/c she knew that as soon as she did go to sleep I would leave, so to keep me there longer she would fight sleep. When I would first lie down, I wasn’t tired, thinking of all the things I wanted/needed to do. But by the time she was asleep, 7 out of 10 times I was asleep too and ready to go directly to bed myself.
We attempted to do a bedtime program, much to my case manager’s dismay. She told me that she thought it wasn’t a good time since bedtime programs are the most difficult and Maggie was a little too young in the process of the behavior modification it would take to correct this bad habit. I insisted that Maggie and I could both do it so we tried. I did the method of every time she got out I would pick her back up and escort her to her room without speaking to her, aka the super nanny technique. Remember I said that we had to do counts to see if the behavior improved. Well, that night I had to take Maggie back to her room 64 times. I know because I counted! By the time she fell asleep, I had a migraine and Rick was sick to his stomach. Disciplining ain’t for the lighthearted. Or the grammatical inclined folks!! Needless to say we discontinued that program. (they call individual interventions to a particular behavior a “program”)
With two weeks left in the program, I asked if we could attempt the bedtime routine. This time we tried a different way, in which I had some more eye rolling. This time Maggie had learned that when she displays certain behaviors she gets rewards. We started the bedtime routine by getting her to pick out a book and getting in bed. After she had stayed in bed for 3 minutes I would come in and read the book to her, or she could read it to me. (Remember- we’re training her to stay in bed) After book time, I would turn off the light and tell her that when she stays in bed for another 3 minutes, I’ll bring blankie (which she absolutely can’t sleep without). After another 3 minutes of staying in bed, I would come back in to turn her music on. The reinforcers can be interchanged according to your child and what floats their boat. Usually by the time I turned the music on she was either asleep or nearly there. Meanwhile during the 3 minutes while I was waiting to take something to her, I’m cleaning, getting things ready for the morning, etc. So, by the time she’s asleep I’m ready to have some QT with my cu-tie.
I have to say that this program has worked amazingly. It takes a lot of discipline to be able to pull this off. Especially during those first few nights when she was crying mommy, please, I need something to eat, drink, need to pee, poop, give you a hug. I’ve got one word for you- MANIPULATION. The payoff- every night I have time to pick up the house before bed (which makes for a good morning) and almost every night get to watch TV with Rick, or chill and read a book. My evenings are completely different and I love them.
I wanted to update you on my last post. I was talking about a new bedtime routine for Maggie. Let me visually walk you through the old routine. Let’s say bedtime starts around 7:45. By 8:00 we have teeth brushed, went potty, said our good nights to brother, and are in bed with book. We would read 2-3 books (I know!) then we would turn lights out, turn soft lullaby music on, say our bedtime prayers, and I would lie down in the bed with Maggie until she fell asleep. This has been our routine since going to the big girl bed a year ago (2 ½). Let me insert here that I was a Baby wise mom and raised both kids to self soothe and not depend on being rocked or anything else, so the fact that here I was laying down for an hour with a 3 yr old was astonishing to me.
When I first started the RIP program I told my case manager that this was an issue for me and I wanted to change the routine. The problem: I had stuff to do like clean dinner dishes, straighten up, get things ready for the next day, and if all went well, watch some TV with Rick. When I would lay down with Maggie it was sometimes an hour before she would go to sleep. I have a theory that she would fight going to sleep b/c she knew that as soon as she did go to sleep I would leave, so to keep me there longer she would fight sleep. When I would first lie down, I wasn’t tired, thinking of all the things I wanted/needed to do. But by the time she was asleep, 7 out of 10 times I was asleep too and ready to go directly to bed myself.
We attempted to do a bedtime program, much to my case manager’s dismay. She told me that she thought it wasn’t a good time since bedtime programs are the most difficult and Maggie was a little too young in the process of the behavior modification it would take to correct this bad habit. I insisted that Maggie and I could both do it so we tried. I did the method of every time she got out I would pick her back up and escort her to her room without speaking to her, aka the super nanny technique. Remember I said that we had to do counts to see if the behavior improved. Well, that night I had to take Maggie back to her room 64 times. I know because I counted! By the time she fell asleep, I had a migraine and Rick was sick to his stomach. Disciplining ain’t for the lighthearted. Or the grammatical inclined folks!! Needless to say we discontinued that program. (they call individual interventions to a particular behavior a “program”)
With two weeks left in the program, I asked if we could attempt the bedtime routine. This time we tried a different way, in which I had some more eye rolling. This time Maggie had learned that when she displays certain behaviors she gets rewards. We started the bedtime routine by getting her to pick out a book and getting in bed. After she had stayed in bed for 3 minutes I would come in and read the book to her, or she could read it to me. (Remember- we’re training her to stay in bed) After book time, I would turn off the light and tell her that when she stays in bed for another 3 minutes, I’ll bring blankie (which she absolutely can’t sleep without). After another 3 minutes of staying in bed, I would come back in to turn her music on. The reinforcers can be interchanged according to your child and what floats their boat. Usually by the time I turned the music on she was either asleep or nearly there. Meanwhile during the 3 minutes while I was waiting to take something to her, I’m cleaning, getting things ready for the morning, etc. So, by the time she’s asleep I’m ready to have some QT with my cu-tie.
I have to say that this program has worked amazingly. It takes a lot of discipline to be able to pull this off. Especially during those first few nights when she was crying mommy, please, I need something to eat, drink, need to pee, poop, give you a hug. I’ve got one word for you- MANIPULATION. The payoff- every night I have time to pick up the house before bed (which makes for a good morning) and almost every night get to watch TV with Rick, or chill and read a book. My evenings are completely different and I love them.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Potpourri
That's what this blog is. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. I like to write about my kids, my experience as a parent, my "projects" around the house, my faith in God, and any others experiences that I think would be helpful to others. From time to time, I may tell you about a product that I like, should you be looking for such a product. I am not telling you to use it, but its up to you to decide.
I don't think I've blogged about this but some of you may know that I have been going through a parenting class. Now back in the day, I thought people who take parenting classes are people who have done something abusive or neglectful to their children and they need to learn a new way to parent. Remember, I worked at DCS for 6 1/2 years, so that's my line of work. I was the kind of parent who would read a book on ANY topic of parenting. If my child was having a need, rest assured there was one or more books on my bookshelf related to such need. I even took an 18 week intensive course on parenting that was written by one of my favorite authors in the subject of parenting. However, just because you may have lots of knowledge, doesn't mean you know how to use it.
Jacob from the age of 2 had a speech delay that was later diagnosed as a language delay. (there is a difference, I now know) This caused him to have behavioral issues that none of the books I picked up could help me with. When he was around the age of 3-4, I knew his needs were greater than the skills that I had learned so I sought out some help from the Regional Intervention Program (RIP). Here's my plug for this program. It was originally created for autistic children, however, it was quickly recognized as a program for any parent who had a child with any level of behavioral issues. With that being said and having been through the program, I believe that this program should be a requirement for anyone with children. After all, if we are required to take a test to have a driver's license, there should be some requirement to be able to parent.
It is successful because it not only teaches someone parenting skills, it requires them to practice those skills in an environment where you have professionals to assist you. I am definitely a hands on learner and I think this was the key aspect for me. Its a free program and the way it is offered at no cost is because you "pay back" the sessions by teaching the classroom. You then model for other parents what you have learned, which is such a good way to solidify those skills. It is a huge commitment time-wise, however, that gave me time to work out kinks in my practices. One of the biggest challenges for me was to throw out all the parenting theories I had and be ready to do it a different way. I will be honest here and say that there were techniques that I thought to myself "that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. There's no way this would work." Only to be eating my words a week later when not only did it work, but they darn near worked at the first implementation.
The first thing we addressed at RIP was Jacob talking back. The intervention used was to give him this rule "Jacob, your job is to use your nice words." I know, too simple right? I'm sure my eye-rolling was received well by my case manager. This would have to be repeated to him at least 5 times a day. We often tell kids what not to do, but rarely do we tell them how we WANT them to act. This is the basic principal of RIP. Tell the kids what you want their behavior to be. So instead of telling him not to be disrespectful, or not to talk back, I would literally tell him at breakfast, before being dropped off to school, when I picked him up, and certainly before we went to some one's house to use his nice words. The program is data driven for statistical purposes (so you can prove something worked or didn't). He went from talking back 9 times a day to 1 or 2 times a day from the first day we implemented the intervention. How's that for statistics! I was shocked. At that point, I was like, ok, maybe these people CAN teach me something!
The reason I'm writing about this today is because today is our last day of the program. I'm not sure if we will welcome the break, or miss it, but I do know that it was a life changer. I know that I went from a mom who yelled, to a mom that (almost) doesn't anymore. And THAT I'm sure my children will be glad for, if for nothing else. I have another example of a successful intervention, but I'm waiting for it to be a little bit more successful and then I'll share. It has to do with possibly the most dreaded area of parenting.....bedtime battles. Dun Dun Dun.....
I don't think I've blogged about this but some of you may know that I have been going through a parenting class. Now back in the day, I thought people who take parenting classes are people who have done something abusive or neglectful to their children and they need to learn a new way to parent. Remember, I worked at DCS for 6 1/2 years, so that's my line of work. I was the kind of parent who would read a book on ANY topic of parenting. If my child was having a need, rest assured there was one or more books on my bookshelf related to such need. I even took an 18 week intensive course on parenting that was written by one of my favorite authors in the subject of parenting. However, just because you may have lots of knowledge, doesn't mean you know how to use it.
Jacob from the age of 2 had a speech delay that was later diagnosed as a language delay. (there is a difference, I now know) This caused him to have behavioral issues that none of the books I picked up could help me with. When he was around the age of 3-4, I knew his needs were greater than the skills that I had learned so I sought out some help from the Regional Intervention Program (RIP). Here's my plug for this program. It was originally created for autistic children, however, it was quickly recognized as a program for any parent who had a child with any level of behavioral issues. With that being said and having been through the program, I believe that this program should be a requirement for anyone with children. After all, if we are required to take a test to have a driver's license, there should be some requirement to be able to parent.
It is successful because it not only teaches someone parenting skills, it requires them to practice those skills in an environment where you have professionals to assist you. I am definitely a hands on learner and I think this was the key aspect for me. Its a free program and the way it is offered at no cost is because you "pay back" the sessions by teaching the classroom. You then model for other parents what you have learned, which is such a good way to solidify those skills. It is a huge commitment time-wise, however, that gave me time to work out kinks in my practices. One of the biggest challenges for me was to throw out all the parenting theories I had and be ready to do it a different way. I will be honest here and say that there were techniques that I thought to myself "that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. There's no way this would work." Only to be eating my words a week later when not only did it work, but they darn near worked at the first implementation.
The first thing we addressed at RIP was Jacob talking back. The intervention used was to give him this rule "Jacob, your job is to use your nice words." I know, too simple right? I'm sure my eye-rolling was received well by my case manager. This would have to be repeated to him at least 5 times a day. We often tell kids what not to do, but rarely do we tell them how we WANT them to act. This is the basic principal of RIP. Tell the kids what you want their behavior to be. So instead of telling him not to be disrespectful, or not to talk back, I would literally tell him at breakfast, before being dropped off to school, when I picked him up, and certainly before we went to some one's house to use his nice words. The program is data driven for statistical purposes (so you can prove something worked or didn't). He went from talking back 9 times a day to 1 or 2 times a day from the first day we implemented the intervention. How's that for statistics! I was shocked. At that point, I was like, ok, maybe these people CAN teach me something!
The reason I'm writing about this today is because today is our last day of the program. I'm not sure if we will welcome the break, or miss it, but I do know that it was a life changer. I know that I went from a mom who yelled, to a mom that (almost) doesn't anymore. And THAT I'm sure my children will be glad for, if for nothing else. I have another example of a successful intervention, but I'm waiting for it to be a little bit more successful and then I'll share. It has to do with possibly the most dreaded area of parenting.....bedtime battles. Dun Dun Dun.....
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Stay tuned- yard sale find
I'm so excited about a yard sale find. I will post pics when we get this thing installed. But before I get into what it is, I think I am going to start a series on my yard sale finds. I'm often asked how I am able to stay home with my kids. Let me just say that one of the big contributors to making this a possibility is my ability to buy a lot of what we need/want at yard sales.
I have always been a yard saler though even before my kids. I'm such a tightwad with money that I never really understood paying more money for something that I can get at a yard sale for 1/4 of the price. All of our lawn equipment has come from yard sales, MUCH of my home decor, and nearly all my kids clothes are from yard sales. And here's the thing, my kids wear Gap, gymboree, old navy, children's place. Most I only pay $1 or less for. I just recently scored a whole bunch of gymboree outfits for Maggie for .50 each. Hello- those outfits probably cost $35 a piece.
The secret, one of them, to finding a good deal, is to go every. single. weekend. Every Saturday I'm up and out at 7am. I have a mental list, and sometimes a physical list of what I'm looking for. I don't feel like I have to come home with something either. If I don't see what I'm looking for, I keep on moving. Here's an example of a list. One day I dropped the pitcher to my Mr IceTea maker. Can I just tell you that I don't know how to make tea any other way? I went to Walmart to find a replacement and my Mr Ice Tea maker was old so they didn't even have replacement parts. I would have had to buy a new one for $18. Nonsense. I got up that Saturday and told Rick that I would come home with a Mr Ice Tea maker pitcher. That's pretty specific don't you think? I'll be darn if I didn't find not one, but 2 that day. A lady had 2 pitchers and her maker broke so she was selling the pitchers. SCORE! I think I paid $1 for both.
So, back to what I'm excited about. Since I'm a stay at home mom we're broke most of the time. But you know what, one day I'll be working full time and we'll have more money to do whatever, but right now, I get to be with my kids while they are home and NO amount of money is worth it. But that doesn't change the fact that I hate the fluorescent light in my kitchen. I hate florescent light period. End of story. First of all, it shows dirt in my already white kitchen like crazy. Light fixtures are like at least $100. Yard sales are a great place to find them. If its not the finish you prefer, get a can of spray paint and voila. I'm a big fan of Oil Rubbed Bronze. Rustoleum makes a really good spray paint. I have done a lot of the brass fixtures in our house with the ORB. I found a light fixture this weekend for $5 and its really nice. Don't know how it will look in the kitchen but if it doesn't look good there I will put it above the fireplace. We're putting it up tonight so I'll post before and after pictures tomorrow.
I have always been a yard saler though even before my kids. I'm such a tightwad with money that I never really understood paying more money for something that I can get at a yard sale for 1/4 of the price. All of our lawn equipment has come from yard sales, MUCH of my home decor, and nearly all my kids clothes are from yard sales. And here's the thing, my kids wear Gap, gymboree, old navy, children's place. Most I only pay $1 or less for. I just recently scored a whole bunch of gymboree outfits for Maggie for .50 each. Hello- those outfits probably cost $35 a piece.
The secret, one of them, to finding a good deal, is to go every. single. weekend. Every Saturday I'm up and out at 7am. I have a mental list, and sometimes a physical list of what I'm looking for. I don't feel like I have to come home with something either. If I don't see what I'm looking for, I keep on moving. Here's an example of a list. One day I dropped the pitcher to my Mr IceTea maker. Can I just tell you that I don't know how to make tea any other way? I went to Walmart to find a replacement and my Mr Ice Tea maker was old so they didn't even have replacement parts. I would have had to buy a new one for $18. Nonsense. I got up that Saturday and told Rick that I would come home with a Mr Ice Tea maker pitcher. That's pretty specific don't you think? I'll be darn if I didn't find not one, but 2 that day. A lady had 2 pitchers and her maker broke so she was selling the pitchers. SCORE! I think I paid $1 for both.
So, back to what I'm excited about. Since I'm a stay at home mom we're broke most of the time. But you know what, one day I'll be working full time and we'll have more money to do whatever, but right now, I get to be with my kids while they are home and NO amount of money is worth it. But that doesn't change the fact that I hate the fluorescent light in my kitchen. I hate florescent light period. End of story. First of all, it shows dirt in my already white kitchen like crazy. Light fixtures are like at least $100. Yard sales are a great place to find them. If its not the finish you prefer, get a can of spray paint and voila. I'm a big fan of Oil Rubbed Bronze. Rustoleum makes a really good spray paint. I have done a lot of the brass fixtures in our house with the ORB. I found a light fixture this weekend for $5 and its really nice. Don't know how it will look in the kitchen but if it doesn't look good there I will put it above the fireplace. We're putting it up tonight so I'll post before and after pictures tomorrow.
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