Simmer down now

One of the reasons that I haven’t posted since I have started graduate school is b/c graduate school has been a little harder than anticipated. Well, maybe grad school isn’t more difficult, rather than my life surrounding it. When I was an undergrad, the only thing I had to worry about was getting myself to school and work. Nowadays, I have a husband who is helpless without me, sorry baby, but you know this to be a fact, and two children to take to school, pick up, make lunches, put down for naps, and potty train. The last one is not really that hard, just a few times a day I am reminded by my 2-year-old daughter that she really should be going to the potty and not in diapers. She is what I like to call, self potty training.

Life around here has been crazy. It took me one hour to read half a chapter for one of my classes. Not to mention my online class, oh and wait, there are the two bible study groups I’m in. When am I supposed to have time to read the books for those? Jacob is also in the process of having a few evaluations and not that I am doing the evaluations, but I am involved in them. Let’s just say housework has fallen last on the list. I am learning to re-prioritize my life.

Pastor Allen was talking one day about rest. He said there was a time in his life that he thought it was for the weak. I would agree. Then he went on to explain that rest is a biblical idea, meant for humans to have a moment to physically and mentally recover from the hard work that the week brings. I stopped and thought, you know, it is during my busiest moments that I am stressed out and that changes everything. The way I act towards my husband, which changes his day, and my children. I am not a stay at home mom so I can become a better multi- tasker. I am here to watch my children grow and have a more active part in that. Like last night when I taught Jacob and Maggie the Pharaoh song. Pharaoh, o baby let my people go, yeah yeah yeah. Now they want to sing it over and over.

I will have to re-evaluate my life at the end of the semester, but as for right now, I’m actually starting to enjoy my classes. In the meantime, I’m going to make an effort to re-evaluate my life and what things I can and can not live without (activities and possessions) for I hate clutter, whether on the outside, or inside.

Back to school week

Ok, its a long story and I don't feel like I quite know all of it, but the long and short of it is that I was accepted in the master of social work program at MTSU. I found out late last night, went to MTSU today to register, side note, I'm glad you can still go to the basement of JUB and do that in person. Those people in that office can make dreams come true, just like Disney World. Had to go to Cope and pay my bill, then go get my parking tag (what is that?) Never had one of those when I went to MTSU. To save $60 a semester I parked off campus since most my classes were in the outerskirts of campus. I am thrilled beyond words to be back at MTSU. I know this will take a lot of balancing for my family, mainly Rick. But in the long run it will be worth it. I can not wait to be stimulating my brain.

Maggie also started preschool today. I am so happy to have her back at preschool, not b/c I don't enjoy being with her. She is totally moving into a much more enjoyable phase where we play babies, dress up, and restaurant. But she needs more stimulation than I can give. It was evident this morning when we got there she acted like she didn't know who Rick and I were. We even said bye and she was like, who are you people, go. I just hope she stays out of the principal's office this year. :-)

A happy crab

It has been 3 years since I’ve been to the beach. Jacob was 9 months old and Maggie was just “a twinkle in my eye”, as my mother says. Rick and I started going to Destin the year we got married. We tried to make it a yearly thing with Rick’s parents. It was always my mother in law’s dream to have both her boys and their families at the beach. Between me and Carrie one of us was pregnant for 4 years. So it was either us or them at the beach with his parents. This was the year that we decided to all make the journey. No pregnant women and no infants in tow.

For weeks we looked for places in Destin, but had a hard time finding something that would accommodate three families, two with small children for the week we needed it in the price range we needed it. Upon a recommendation Carrie found a resort in Panama City called Splash. It is a high-rise condo with a small water park on the bottom. There are small slides for the little ones, little lagoons with streams of water coming out of the ground, a lazy river, several pools that are in the sun and shaded, and a hot tub. If none of that suits you, you can be at the beach in about 10 steps.

We were all going to leave on Saturday. Robby and Carrie, and Ramona and Dean were going to follow each other. I called Rick on Friday afternoon and told him that we were all packed and ready to go. I jokingly said we could leave now if he wanted and his reply was let him finish some things at the office and he’ll come home and pack the van and we’ll leave tonight. We left Murfreesboro by 7:00. Since we didn’t really have a plan, I suggested let’s stop around 11:00 so we can get the kids in bed. We made it just outside of Montgomery, AL. The kids were so happy to be in a hotel room and out of the car. The next morning we got up, had a great breakfast and headed to the beach. We left Montgomery around 9:30 and were at the beach by 1:00. It was a great trip down considering Maggie is not the best of travelers, but maybe she’s outgrowing it. We all got to the resort within 5 minutes of each other.

The condo is great. It’s has three bedrooms three bathrooms, a kitchen, living room and dining area. Each bedroom has its own balcony, where I’m writing my blog from. Did I mention we are on the 21st floor, the top floor? When the blimps and helicopters fly by, they are flying at our condo level. Last night some people were shooting fireworks off the beach and they didn’t even make it up to our level. There are floor to ceiling windows throughout the condo. It feels like you are flying or floating because all you see is sky and ocean for miles. When you look out the dining room window you can see our bedroom balcony. My favorite quote so far comes from my niece Dana. When she gets excited she sounds like Amy Pohler’s character from SNL where she is a 13 yr old girl and her step dad Rick. Dana said “I can see uncle Rick and he is naked!” She said this over and over until someone came and saw what she was seeing. Dana was just minding her business looking out the window and she saw Rick hanging his towel and clothes on the chairs on the balcony and he didn’t have a shirt (but he did have shorts on, she just couldn’t see).

Today we went to the beach and it was very surreal for me. Rick, Jacob, Maggie and I were building sand castles. There is something therapeutic about having your fingers in wet sand. Maggie would fill the buckets with sand while Jacob would fill his bucket with water to pack the sand. Then Rick would make perfectly formed castle towers and he even made a moat. The kids are totally loving the beach. I was kinda nervous that one of them wouldn’t like it but they love the beach more than they like the pools. I told Rick today that just a few years ago, it was just he and I at the beach, no sand buckets, arm floaties, or sippy cups.

After we brought them in and got their bellies full of lunch followed up with popsicles, or as Jacob says popsicables, we got the kids down for a nice nap. All of the adults picked a balcony and just hung out, read magazines, listened to I Pods, or me, I just sat on my lawn chair and listened to the waves crash below me. I love quiet time. Its time to reflect, and think, and also listen to God. He talks to me a lot when I get still and quiet all the things that are constantly going through my head. A private balcony on the beach 21 stories up is a great place to do that.

New chapter in my book

I knew after graduating from MTSU that I would be back in school one day. I just didn't know for what. During my time at DCS I realized that social work is what I am called to do. MTSU will start their first semester of a masters in social work program this fall. Ever since I found out that the program was being offered at MTSU that I wanted to go there. I just love MTSU and have so much pride for that school, as well as many fond memories. To be able to go back there for a graduate degree is thrilling and an honor.

All this to say, I have been putting off applying forever. I knew it would be a lengthy process and Maggie and Jacob do not like when I am on the computer so I usually am only on here in the morning, during nap time, or when they are in bed. I know, I can't constantly blame my kids for everything I don't get done. I will mostly blame my procrastination.

I woke up yesterday (june 1) with an urging sense to start the application process. I woke up early, as did Jacob. I had to get him settled upstairs with breakfast and some PBS kids. Thank you super why! I got online to submit my application and I noticed the deadline for submitting applications was June 1. HOLY COW! Nothing like waiting until the last minute, huh?

I started thinking of everything that I was going to have to do in lightening speed time to get my application in and I got so overwhelmed. I haven't even taken the GRE. I thought to myself, when am I going to have the time to study for the stupid thing. Then I thought, if you can't study for that, how are you going to study for your classes? What was I thinking? Why didn't I do this before I had kids??? These thoughts turned into, do I even want to be a social worker. I had so much self doubt that took over.

Then I talked to a few friends, one who told me that she didn't even study for the GRE. I looked at some sample questions like she suggested and I got all of them right and I wasn't even reading the questions. I will be sure to do that the day of the real test. Or maybe that will confuse me.....I also had to submit some essays as to why I am pursuing a career in social work and my background. The other one was about a social problem and I had to explain the complications to addressing the problem. When I was an undergrad, I tried so hard just to get by. For example, if I was writing a paper that had to be 5 pages, I didn't care if I was mid sentence, when I got to 5 pages I just put a period at the end of the sentence and I was done. As I was writing one of my essays I found myself going on and on about the transition for prisoners who are released into the free world. I had to condense my some of my thoughts because I was going to go over. Being a stay at home mom and dealing with a one and three year old day in day out, I imagine that when my mind thought the word recidivism there must have been dust flying all around my brain as it recalled the word and its meaning. It was as if a lamp was turned on inside me. I am doing something for myself and it feels so good. I love school. I love learning, especially about things I'm interested in. My attitude that started out so defeated quickly turned to excitement.

It will be a while before I know if I'm accepted into the program. So for now all I can do is pray and know that God brought me this far, I bet he can slide my name on the list. Because I waited so long my name will probably go on a waiting list and hope that someone who got accepted chose another school to go to. I really hope my trusty old orange back pack that Marcie got me gets to be dusted off and used again soon! If I take two classes a semester, I will graduate as Maggie goes into kindergarten. Perfect timing! There is so many things I will be able to do with this degree. I can work in a hospital, drug treatment facility, do counseling, go back into foster care, so many things. My future is so bright, I've got to wear shades.

New preschool for JT

As many may know, Jacob has a language delay and is already apart of the Rutherford County School System because he receives speech therapy there. We already have IEP meetings which is funny to me for a 3 yr old. We had our second IEP meeting this week to determine if Jacob would be going to the preschool at Barfield Elementary. He attended a mother's day out preschool this past year and although I loved the program and I think Jacob had fun, I don't think it fully met his individual needs. The preschool at Barfield will work on the things Jacob needs help with. Ironically, Jacob knows all his shapes, colors, letters, capital and lower case, and can spell his name, and is even learning to write his name. The part he has trouble with is listening and understanding directions. He has trouble processing things in his head. Like his speech therapist said, its like we're all speaking Japanese to him. So he has to be taught to understand language and how to use it.

I think it will be good for him to go to preschool that can help him learn these things. He will go 5 days a week. Also, when it comes time for kindergarten, it won't be a new place for him. Kindergarten is so hard for me to realize that its right around the corner. When I think about Jacob, I think about him being a newborn, not a preschooler. How did he grow up so fast. Then I think about my mom, does she look at me the same way and now I'm 32 with my own kids? I feel like I need to hold on to every moment that goes by. Like today when Jacob needed me to hold him before he laid down for a nap. I thought to myself, there will be one day when I just wish that I could hold that little boy again. He still needs him momma, and one day he won't need me. Sometimes I'm afraid it will happen so fast and poof, it will be over, my time with them. Its the reason that I'm most grateful to be staying home with them. I know it means sacrificing a little bit, but its something that money can't even come close to buying.

Resurection Sunday

This is the house that is 3 doors down from the Soks. If you look at the front of the picture you will see shrubs and the walkway that used to lead to their front door. Notice where the house is in the backyard. It was picked up and scattered.


This is the crawl space that Wayne's parents got in to seek safety. They were in their back yard garden when they saw it.

Memories from someone's life now scattered about.

Looks like a little princess lived here.

This was 2 doors down from the Soks.

Next door neighbor's car.

Next door to the Soks.

This a picture of across the street from the Soks.

This is the bunny bread truck that we gained access to in order to remove the contents of the Soks home. Don't ask questions how we got this truck and I'll tell you no lies.

Ironically it was 10 or 11 Easters ago that I was having Easter lunch at the Soks house. We hid eggs in their yard. They made us their famous "Sok spaghetti." I was introduced to the cherry wine that his parents made from the cherry tree in the front yard. They poured it in a shot glass. I was in college then and there was only one thing you did with a shot glass. You shoot it. Apparently you were supposed to sip it. Heathen.

On this Easter, 2009, I was helping them take their belongings from 22 years and box them up. I wish I could tell you how amazing their whole family is, how both their sons are war heroes. They are what you call "good people." Yet on this day, they were just another tornado victim, forced to push their emotions aside and try to figure out what to do, what to leave and what to take, and where to go. Their back yard almost touches the back yard of the mother and infant who were killed in the storm.

When you stand and look at the scene around, you realize in one second how powerful God is. That he created something that could do so much damage, and how he whispered on that day for so many people in Victoria Park to not go home. Had most of the people in that neighborhood been home, they wouldn't have survived, there's no doubt. Had Wayne's parents been 3 doors down, there was no crawl space left.

Living in today's world where we are so used to having anything and everything we want at our fingertips, its sobering just how much can be taken from you and made you to feel almost like a third class citizen. No electricity, no running water, police not allowing you to your home. Having to depend on people you don't even know to help you.

Although the friends who we bumped into yesterday and today don't keep in touch often, its a reminder of how strong friendships once were and are not forgotten easily.

When we got home and unloaded the truck in our garage, I went inside to see the kids. I took great pleasure in putting their pajamas on and rocking them to sleep in their own rooms, in their own beds, listening to soft lullaby music. So thankful that they are my children, and I am their mom, and I get to spend another day with them.

Good Friday, Bad Friday

Wayne, this is your parent's porch

across the street from the Soks

I believe that is someone's kitchen

This is the side of the Soks house

The Sok's house

It all started out as a normal Friday, except Rick was off work and we planned to take the kids to the Discovery Center. We got there about 11:45 and had packed the kids lunches and were going to eat there. When we got upstairs I noticed that the train table that Jacob so loves was gone. We played up there for a bit and then I headed down stairs to see where the train table was. I asked the lady at the front desk as she was getting off the phone, "Where's the train table?" She said it was broken and being fixed. Then she said, ma'am you need to take your children and take cover at the back of the center because a tornado is heading for Murfreesboro."

We went to the back and the kids didn't really know what was going on. All the parents tried to keep everything as normal as possible for them. We fed the kids lunch and that's when the lights went out and I think the storm was hitting. We had no cell service but I was able to make a call to my sister and mom to let them know where we were in case something happened, someone needed to know we weren't home. I was able to call my friend Brandi to ask what was going on b/c we didn't know anything. She was telling me what the news said about the different storms hitting Mboro.

After it went through, a lady from the discovery center said that the storm has passed, there's another one coming so if anyone wants to leave, you need to do it now. Without thinking we grabbed the kids and left and drove home in the loudest hail and rain, and a green sky. The clouds were so scary, it looked like they were dancing. Jacob kept telling me to turn it off b/c the sound was so loud. We made it home and I just broke down and cried when we walked in the door. My brother had just called and that probably freaked him out b/c all I could do was cry. Being in a storm is so different when you have kids who are relying on you to keep them safe, but in a storm like that, you can't ensure safety.

We have several friends who's houses are destroyed. This morning my curiosity got the best of me and we headed out with a video camera and digital camera. Once we got into neighborhoods that had been hit, I didn't have the heart to take pictures of homes where the people are standing in what was their yard yesterday morning and now is a graveyard of their memories. We somehow made it into a neighborhood where my friend's parents live. They were only letting residents and officials in but I guess we made it down a side road. I wanted to check on the Soks to see if they were ok and I couldn't even recognize the streets. The houses were on small lots and when you looked around what once was about 20 houses on this block was now about 10.

Close to this is where the two deaths occurred. A mom and her 9 week old daughter. I am just thankful that is the worst b/c when you look at these houses you would have to wonder how people made it out ok. I can only imagine how scared my friends parents were as the tornado went over there house and ripped part of the outside wall off. You could see straight in their attic. Then 3 houses down, all there was, was a foundation, the shrubs around the house, and that's it. I don't know where their house it. Then the house across the street was literally a pile of 2x4s.

The good thing about all this was the community that showed up to help. There were lots of people handing out food and water. I saw some friends of mine from college who were fraternity brothers of Wayne's. I don't even think they called to see if help was needed. They just knew where Wayne's parents lived and one of them bought a chain saw and headed over there. Amazing spirits we all have when the need arises.

The destruction is so much more devastating when this is the town you live in and know like the back of your hand. These people are neighbors, we go to church with them, we work with them, we are friends with them. They need us more than they ever have before and we need to be there with what ever we can do. It renews my faith in people. I was prepared to drop Rick off and let him help, but they said that they almost had too much help. So we're going to check in with them next week after all the help is gone and everyone goes back to their normal lives.

Obviously these pictures don't do it justice.