The older I get, the wiser I become

Its 11:30 on Christmas Eve. I really need to be wrapping presents. Really! But I can't go to bed tonight without getting these thoughts out. I have the opportunity to worship at a church that is so powerful it would make anyone fall to their knees. We've been there one week shy of 7 years. That's awesome to me because I know that means 7 years of spiritual growth like I've never experienced before. A couple of years ago the church knew we were outgrowing our current space so we were going to have to expand. (by the way, WOC is in the top 10% in the country of fastest growing churches) We all made financial commitments for the building of the new church so it has been something we have looked forward to. Tonight, our church had its first official service (for the exception of a baptism service which I was baptized at). How wonderful to be able to have Christmas Eve service in the new sanctuary.

On this day, I was exhausted. Stayed up late last night, been baking, cooking, shopping, cleaning, everything I was trying to avoid this late in the game. I told Rick at dinner that if it were not for having the service in the new sanctuary, it would have been very easy for me to be talked into skipping. So we go. This was the 3rd and last service for the night. I seriously thought not many would be there. I can't say it was packed, but not that many empty seats in the whole house.

The service opened up with the choir, an orchestra, these 3 drummers with these big drums where it took every muscle in their body to beat, our praise and worship team, and this awesome poem in the background. I found it on our church's website and you simply must go there now and read it. http://www.wochurch.org/PDF/WOC%20Christmas%20Poem.pdf

At this point, I was wide awake, full of tears, and realizing that this was so worth dragging my worn out self. Ten minutes into the service, I wondered why they didn't charge admission, it was that good. Please keep in mind at this point, we are so spoiled by the celebration arts team that we come to expect an awesome performance. Seriously people, they could have charged money to attend tonight. At one point in the praise and worship part, I felt sorry for Pastor Allen b/c I was thinking there's no way the sermon can be as good as this. Again, this man who is anointed by the Holy Spirit had an awesome message about how God knows how to bring his children home, whether it be to eternity, or like the prodigal son, just back to God.

On the way home, it hit me why I like Christmas Eve so much. Because by 8:30, the grocery store was closed, fast food restaurants, walgreens, even gas stations were closing. Its the only time of the year where everyone is forced to stop what they are doing and be at home with their family, unplugged from the world, getting still. I wish that our society encouraged that more like other countries do. In Spain, if you want ANYTHING during the hours of siesta, you have to wait until stores are back open. The whole country closes up just about. And then they really only reopen for a few hours. Its very typical for businesses to close at 4:00 for the day. They live in less fancier houses than we do and their cars are less fancy, but their quality of life and family time are much greater. I totally respect that and I learned a valuable lesson from that.

The older I get, the more I realize that Christmas really isn't about the gifts, and Santa, and the cookies, and the songs, and the decorations. Its about a girl who was such a humble servant of God that she said yes to something that was, well crazy to her. But she said yes anyway. Its about a God that wanted to be more intimately connected to His children, so he put himself in the flesh, in the form of a human being so he could experience what we experience. Who does that? God does. Its about a man, who modeled for us how we are to treat each other, who took the punishment for all the world, so that our sins would be forgiven. Its almost too much for me to wrap my brain around. But I'll spend the rest of my days here on this earth trying, learning what God wants me to do and to be willing to say yes.

myspace blogs

Since I don't check my myspace account, like ever, I figured I should send all my blogs from there over to here in case my account gets deleted or something. Here are old posts:

Wednesday, July 16, 2008
There will be videos
In today's world where the gas prices are up and the stock market is down, banks are going under, there's not too many things in life anymore that are free. I have been able to find something that's pretty close to it and I'm so excited to share this with you. Its called Movie Cube. Its just like Red Box at McDonald's except that its in Kroger's which is even better since its across the street from my house. Ever since I have found this wonderful invention I am practically addicted to it. It represents something more than just a movie for me. It is making a decision to spend time with Rick, away from the kids. Since I stay home and Rick works from home, we see each other all the time, but that doesn't mean we spend quality time together as a couple. In that respect, its just like two people who work out of the home who have to make that time.

The movies are just $1 so even if we don't think the movie is great, we don't have a lot to lose. It all started with Fool's Gold starring my sweetie pie Matthew McConaughey. That was pretty much just a reason to look at him for 94 minutes. Cute movie though. To show apprecitation to Rick for watching a chick flick, I rented American Gangster the next night, which I believe totally got shorted for Oscar nminations. This may be the best movie I have seen in a long time. Although its not a feel good kind of movie, Denzel Russell were awesome! Then came Charlie Wilson's War, an outstanding performance by Tom Hanks. Which brings me to the next movie, There Will Be Blood. Daniel Day Lewis won the Oscar for best actor for this one. I think it was soley because he had to memorize so many lines. He was the only one talking the whole movie and what kind of accent was that? Irish, English? Who knows. Rick and I are still wondering why in the heck it was called There Will Be Blood. There wasn't even a whole lot of blood in the movie. It could have been a good movie if they told it in an hour. The rest was just a waste of our time. Either way, good movie or bad movie, and even though I may fall asleep in Rick's lap during almost every movie, its still our time together that counts. There may not be blood, but there will be more videos.


Tuesday, December 25, 2007
I’ll shoot the whole family
For my brother's Christmas present, his father in law is taking him on a duck hunt on Christmas afternoon. My 4 year old neice Mabry was being told that her daddy would be leaving the family on Christmas to go hunt ducks. She said that she wanted to go with daddy. When explaining to Mabry that daddy would be killing a duck, she said "I wanna shoot a duck too Daddy." My sister in law Mitzi was quite surprised that Mabry would be interested in shooting a duck. She said "but Mabry, what if that duck's family misses him?" Mabry replied, "then I'll shoot the whole family."



Wednesday, December 12, 2007
My dream
Current mood: blissful
My dream has come true. I gave my notice at work yesterday so that I can become a stay at home mom. I can't describe the joy I feel knowing that caring for my kids and husband has become my full time job. I know it is a little 1950's ish, but that's what I feel like at this point in my life I was meant to do. The last 3 months have been bliss and I just would have hated to see that go.

On the other hand, I'm leaving not just a job, but what I have found to be my calling in life, other than being a mom. I worked with great people whom I will miss dearly. I know that I will remain in contact with them, as the work that we do bonds us extremely. I've been with DCS over 6 years. Its crazy to imagine myself not there, but I'm also very grateful to be able to share my days with my kids now. Not to mention, its just freaking fun to color, go to the park, the discovery center, and play horsey.

So for all my co-workers out there, I love you guys and carry on with the great work you all do. Its an important job and one that takes very special people. I know I will rejoin you all one day.

To my husband, I thank him for making the sacrifice that it requires for me to stay home. I've always taken responsibility for making my dreams come true, but first he gave me the two beautiful angels, and now the ability to spend my days taking care of them. There are simply no words to express my gratitude for that, so I will spend the rest of my life showing him my gratitude.


Saturday, May 05, 2007
Its a ......
Well, don't know for sure. The umbilical cord was going between the baby's legs. But, the ultrasound technician said that she did not see boy parts. We have another ultrasound on May 25 so hopefully we'll find out then. I'm almost 100% sure its a girl, because she is going to be a cheerleader if she keeps the toe touches and jumping jacks up! If it is a girl her name will be Maggie. If you have any ideas for a middle name, let me know.

Simmer down now

One of the reasons that I haven’t posted since I have started graduate school is b/c graduate school has been a little harder than anticipated. Well, maybe grad school isn’t more difficult, rather than my life surrounding it. When I was an undergrad, the only thing I had to worry about was getting myself to school and work. Nowadays, I have a husband who is helpless without me, sorry baby, but you know this to be a fact, and two children to take to school, pick up, make lunches, put down for naps, and potty train. The last one is not really that hard, just a few times a day I am reminded by my 2-year-old daughter that she really should be going to the potty and not in diapers. She is what I like to call, self potty training.

Life around here has been crazy. It took me one hour to read half a chapter for one of my classes. Not to mention my online class, oh and wait, there are the two bible study groups I’m in. When am I supposed to have time to read the books for those? Jacob is also in the process of having a few evaluations and not that I am doing the evaluations, but I am involved in them. Let’s just say housework has fallen last on the list. I am learning to re-prioritize my life.

Pastor Allen was talking one day about rest. He said there was a time in his life that he thought it was for the weak. I would agree. Then he went on to explain that rest is a biblical idea, meant for humans to have a moment to physically and mentally recover from the hard work that the week brings. I stopped and thought, you know, it is during my busiest moments that I am stressed out and that changes everything. The way I act towards my husband, which changes his day, and my children. I am not a stay at home mom so I can become a better multi- tasker. I am here to watch my children grow and have a more active part in that. Like last night when I taught Jacob and Maggie the Pharaoh song. Pharaoh, o baby let my people go, yeah yeah yeah. Now they want to sing it over and over.

I will have to re-evaluate my life at the end of the semester, but as for right now, I’m actually starting to enjoy my classes. In the meantime, I’m going to make an effort to re-evaluate my life and what things I can and can not live without (activities and possessions) for I hate clutter, whether on the outside, or inside.

Back to school week

Ok, its a long story and I don't feel like I quite know all of it, but the long and short of it is that I was accepted in the master of social work program at MTSU. I found out late last night, went to MTSU today to register, side note, I'm glad you can still go to the basement of JUB and do that in person. Those people in that office can make dreams come true, just like Disney World. Had to go to Cope and pay my bill, then go get my parking tag (what is that?) Never had one of those when I went to MTSU. To save $60 a semester I parked off campus since most my classes were in the outerskirts of campus. I am thrilled beyond words to be back at MTSU. I know this will take a lot of balancing for my family, mainly Rick. But in the long run it will be worth it. I can not wait to be stimulating my brain.

Maggie also started preschool today. I am so happy to have her back at preschool, not b/c I don't enjoy being with her. She is totally moving into a much more enjoyable phase where we play babies, dress up, and restaurant. But she needs more stimulation than I can give. It was evident this morning when we got there she acted like she didn't know who Rick and I were. We even said bye and she was like, who are you people, go. I just hope she stays out of the principal's office this year. :-)

A happy crab

It has been 3 years since I’ve been to the beach. Jacob was 9 months old and Maggie was just “a twinkle in my eye”, as my mother says. Rick and I started going to Destin the year we got married. We tried to make it a yearly thing with Rick’s parents. It was always my mother in law’s dream to have both her boys and their families at the beach. Between me and Carrie one of us was pregnant for 4 years. So it was either us or them at the beach with his parents. This was the year that we decided to all make the journey. No pregnant women and no infants in tow.

For weeks we looked for places in Destin, but had a hard time finding something that would accommodate three families, two with small children for the week we needed it in the price range we needed it. Upon a recommendation Carrie found a resort in Panama City called Splash. It is a high-rise condo with a small water park on the bottom. There are small slides for the little ones, little lagoons with streams of water coming out of the ground, a lazy river, several pools that are in the sun and shaded, and a hot tub. If none of that suits you, you can be at the beach in about 10 steps.

We were all going to leave on Saturday. Robby and Carrie, and Ramona and Dean were going to follow each other. I called Rick on Friday afternoon and told him that we were all packed and ready to go. I jokingly said we could leave now if he wanted and his reply was let him finish some things at the office and he’ll come home and pack the van and we’ll leave tonight. We left Murfreesboro by 7:00. Since we didn’t really have a plan, I suggested let’s stop around 11:00 so we can get the kids in bed. We made it just outside of Montgomery, AL. The kids were so happy to be in a hotel room and out of the car. The next morning we got up, had a great breakfast and headed to the beach. We left Montgomery around 9:30 and were at the beach by 1:00. It was a great trip down considering Maggie is not the best of travelers, but maybe she’s outgrowing it. We all got to the resort within 5 minutes of each other.

The condo is great. It’s has three bedrooms three bathrooms, a kitchen, living room and dining area. Each bedroom has its own balcony, where I’m writing my blog from. Did I mention we are on the 21st floor, the top floor? When the blimps and helicopters fly by, they are flying at our condo level. Last night some people were shooting fireworks off the beach and they didn’t even make it up to our level. There are floor to ceiling windows throughout the condo. It feels like you are flying or floating because all you see is sky and ocean for miles. When you look out the dining room window you can see our bedroom balcony. My favorite quote so far comes from my niece Dana. When she gets excited she sounds like Amy Pohler’s character from SNL where she is a 13 yr old girl and her step dad Rick. Dana said “I can see uncle Rick and he is naked!” She said this over and over until someone came and saw what she was seeing. Dana was just minding her business looking out the window and she saw Rick hanging his towel and clothes on the chairs on the balcony and he didn’t have a shirt (but he did have shorts on, she just couldn’t see).

Today we went to the beach and it was very surreal for me. Rick, Jacob, Maggie and I were building sand castles. There is something therapeutic about having your fingers in wet sand. Maggie would fill the buckets with sand while Jacob would fill his bucket with water to pack the sand. Then Rick would make perfectly formed castle towers and he even made a moat. The kids are totally loving the beach. I was kinda nervous that one of them wouldn’t like it but they love the beach more than they like the pools. I told Rick today that just a few years ago, it was just he and I at the beach, no sand buckets, arm floaties, or sippy cups.

After we brought them in and got their bellies full of lunch followed up with popsicles, or as Jacob says popsicables, we got the kids down for a nice nap. All of the adults picked a balcony and just hung out, read magazines, listened to I Pods, or me, I just sat on my lawn chair and listened to the waves crash below me. I love quiet time. Its time to reflect, and think, and also listen to God. He talks to me a lot when I get still and quiet all the things that are constantly going through my head. A private balcony on the beach 21 stories up is a great place to do that.

New chapter in my book

I knew after graduating from MTSU that I would be back in school one day. I just didn't know for what. During my time at DCS I realized that social work is what I am called to do. MTSU will start their first semester of a masters in social work program this fall. Ever since I found out that the program was being offered at MTSU that I wanted to go there. I just love MTSU and have so much pride for that school, as well as many fond memories. To be able to go back there for a graduate degree is thrilling and an honor.

All this to say, I have been putting off applying forever. I knew it would be a lengthy process and Maggie and Jacob do not like when I am on the computer so I usually am only on here in the morning, during nap time, or when they are in bed. I know, I can't constantly blame my kids for everything I don't get done. I will mostly blame my procrastination.

I woke up yesterday (june 1) with an urging sense to start the application process. I woke up early, as did Jacob. I had to get him settled upstairs with breakfast and some PBS kids. Thank you super why! I got online to submit my application and I noticed the deadline for submitting applications was June 1. HOLY COW! Nothing like waiting until the last minute, huh?

I started thinking of everything that I was going to have to do in lightening speed time to get my application in and I got so overwhelmed. I haven't even taken the GRE. I thought to myself, when am I going to have the time to study for the stupid thing. Then I thought, if you can't study for that, how are you going to study for your classes? What was I thinking? Why didn't I do this before I had kids??? These thoughts turned into, do I even want to be a social worker. I had so much self doubt that took over.

Then I talked to a few friends, one who told me that she didn't even study for the GRE. I looked at some sample questions like she suggested and I got all of them right and I wasn't even reading the questions. I will be sure to do that the day of the real test. Or maybe that will confuse me.....I also had to submit some essays as to why I am pursuing a career in social work and my background. The other one was about a social problem and I had to explain the complications to addressing the problem. When I was an undergrad, I tried so hard just to get by. For example, if I was writing a paper that had to be 5 pages, I didn't care if I was mid sentence, when I got to 5 pages I just put a period at the end of the sentence and I was done. As I was writing one of my essays I found myself going on and on about the transition for prisoners who are released into the free world. I had to condense my some of my thoughts because I was going to go over. Being a stay at home mom and dealing with a one and three year old day in day out, I imagine that when my mind thought the word recidivism there must have been dust flying all around my brain as it recalled the word and its meaning. It was as if a lamp was turned on inside me. I am doing something for myself and it feels so good. I love school. I love learning, especially about things I'm interested in. My attitude that started out so defeated quickly turned to excitement.

It will be a while before I know if I'm accepted into the program. So for now all I can do is pray and know that God brought me this far, I bet he can slide my name on the list. Because I waited so long my name will probably go on a waiting list and hope that someone who got accepted chose another school to go to. I really hope my trusty old orange back pack that Marcie got me gets to be dusted off and used again soon! If I take two classes a semester, I will graduate as Maggie goes into kindergarten. Perfect timing! There is so many things I will be able to do with this degree. I can work in a hospital, drug treatment facility, do counseling, go back into foster care, so many things. My future is so bright, I've got to wear shades.

New preschool for JT

As many may know, Jacob has a language delay and is already apart of the Rutherford County School System because he receives speech therapy there. We already have IEP meetings which is funny to me for a 3 yr old. We had our second IEP meeting this week to determine if Jacob would be going to the preschool at Barfield Elementary. He attended a mother's day out preschool this past year and although I loved the program and I think Jacob had fun, I don't think it fully met his individual needs. The preschool at Barfield will work on the things Jacob needs help with. Ironically, Jacob knows all his shapes, colors, letters, capital and lower case, and can spell his name, and is even learning to write his name. The part he has trouble with is listening and understanding directions. He has trouble processing things in his head. Like his speech therapist said, its like we're all speaking Japanese to him. So he has to be taught to understand language and how to use it.

I think it will be good for him to go to preschool that can help him learn these things. He will go 5 days a week. Also, when it comes time for kindergarten, it won't be a new place for him. Kindergarten is so hard for me to realize that its right around the corner. When I think about Jacob, I think about him being a newborn, not a preschooler. How did he grow up so fast. Then I think about my mom, does she look at me the same way and now I'm 32 with my own kids? I feel like I need to hold on to every moment that goes by. Like today when Jacob needed me to hold him before he laid down for a nap. I thought to myself, there will be one day when I just wish that I could hold that little boy again. He still needs him momma, and one day he won't need me. Sometimes I'm afraid it will happen so fast and poof, it will be over, my time with them. Its the reason that I'm most grateful to be staying home with them. I know it means sacrificing a little bit, but its something that money can't even come close to buying.